SHIR.ley.: August 2015

Hi everyone, I am back again. Just woke up from a long afternoon nap, listening to one of my favourite song and decided to blog tonight.

Time flies, it has been almost 3 months since I have blogged. Some have been asking me why don't I update my blog more often and some offer to pay me for commercial blog. Somehow, I prefer not to commercialize my blog, I hope this is an unique space for me to visit when I miss the 'younger' me. I know that many years later, when I revisit my old posts, I will be smiling when reading them. I will feel amazed by how much have I changed in times. Things seem to be the same everyday, but in fact there are little changes from time to time, it happens so slow that we don't realise the changes. When we look back into the past one day, we will be amazed by how things have changed and wonder how we become who we are at the moment. Life itself is a magic, isn't it?

What I want to blog today? Hm.. I always wanted to blog about my feeling, there are so much thoughts in me. Guess the feeling now is just right for it. It is exactly one year after my break up, I wouldn't deny it is a very painful one. It is so painful that it changes me. I am no longer the person who I was in the past. Perhaps, this is part of life: we fell, we stumbled, then we become a better person than before.

One year is considered long to me, definitely not easy to get back up. I spend so much time to deal with my heart, learn to handle my feelings and try to be ok. I don't expect myself to be perfect, I just need myself to be ok. Hence, I realise all I need is Peace. Peace by mean no sadness, no struggle, nothing. It is a state of mind where I am truly calm in the mind and heart. When I have peace, I start to be cheerful and more talkative. I know this is the truest side of me. I can still remember I used to be the most talkative person in class many years ago. I was such a cheerful person who liked to share stories, jokes and all kind of nonsenses. I will never forget there was one day when I was so sad, I went to a temple. I met a fortune teller and she told me that I am a cheerful person. She advised me to search back that side of me. Ever since that, whenever I feel happy and start to talk a lot, I will remember what she told me. I know, this is the real me.

I have done a lot of things within this period. Unlike some other people after breaking up, they focus on career to wash away the pain. Somehow, I focus on my heart, I want to find peace. I have let go of my part time business which many could not understand why I did so. I spent a lot of time and money to travel and some disagreed with that. I chose to change job position, it did not make sense to some people. I open up myself to meet new people which I wouldn't do in the past. I start to go to the gym and attend classes. I start to use good facial products and supplements, as long as they are good for me. All these changes are based on one thing, I found peace in it. I choose to stay away from negative energies, focus on how to make myself feel better. I agree with the message which is carried by my another favourite song. "Some people think that the physical things define what's within", but to me the most important thing is to feel happy. Even if you own the world, you will not feel happy if your heart is empty.

Dealing with feeling is definitely the hardest part of all. Very often our mind is clear that what is best for us, but the heart will still be sad. I usually think a lot when driving alone and that is when I feel emotional. But I understand it is alright to feel down, I just need to deal with it. How to be truly peaceful in the heart? My answer is - 'to accept things sincerely'. I tried to hate a person and wanted to prove that I can live better without the person. But, I was wrong, this mindset will only trap myself in the darkest cage. If I want to have true peace, I have to be honest to myself and let go of ego. Then, I learn to accept pain sincerely.

I accept that everything is past.

I accept that there is nothing I can do about it.

I accept that it is not wrong to be weak once in a while.

I accept that people change, even myself changed too.

I accept that everyone makes mistakes.

I accept that everyone deserves to choose what is best for themselves.

I accept that people has no obligation to stand in your shoes.

I accept that...............

and the list goes on.

By accepting it sincerely, the pain got lesser slowly.

I would not say I have hundred percent recovered from the pain, but I am glad that I feel peace now. Sometimes when people complain about life to me, I am grateful that I don't have a thing to complain about. It is not because I have everything, I don't. But, I choose to accept thing as it is and be grateful with what I have.

Just this morning, I met friends that I have not seen for years. One of them told me that she thinks single people look more charming than those who is attached. I think it is not true. I believe one can be attractive if he/she feel peace and rich in the heart. 'Always bring your own sunshine', no one else in charge of your happiness except yourself.

In fact, I am kinda like the new version of myself and my life now. I am free to do things that I want to do at anytime, anywhere. I don't have to explain myself for things that I dislike. I love to explore life outside and inside myself. I explore new places, try new things, meet new people and I am open to receive new perspective. I feel peace in heart and yet I enjoy having a vibrant life.

Someday, I gonna look back and miss this moment. =)

Just to share with you some of my favourite things, photos and quotes.