The Change.

How have you been? Dear bloggie, dear reader, dear me... 

This is a peaceful night and I don't have any special feeling. Neither happy nor sad, just empty. Basically I am fine. Somehow, I think this is the best feeling- peace. 

The storm is over now, I'm glad that I survive. How long did I struggling? Fear of change, losing something/ someone, fear of uncertainty, fear of insecurity. They haunted me for so long, yet I was not brave enough to walk out from the shadow. Guess it's the typical mindset of girls, we have been holding too much on the past. We like to find excuses for ourselves, to convince that the past is irreplaceable and it's worth waiting for the improvement of current mess. I used lived in the past, stayed at the past happiness. I lied to myself, I suppressed my own sadness. I told myself, things will be better if I give in more. But, nothing worked out. Things get worse. Some advises I heard a thousand times, but I just could not accept the fact. And finally, I had to. 

People change, things change. Once change, nothing can turn back. How sweet we were, how much effort I tried to give in, it is meaningless. Some people, they are too realistic, especially guys. They don't remember who is the person who never leave them whenever they need someone. They forget who are there to give physical and mentally support to them, when they have nothing and are nobody. That's the fact, we just have to accept that. Stop asking why and wake up, I tell myself. He is still him, the same person, but inside him, he is another person now. The closest person hence become a person I barely understand. That deeply hurt me, but I accept it as part of my life. 

5 years and 6 months, from we were both students, until we stepped into working life. How many obstacles we had been through together. Despite the bad ending, I did learned things along the journey. I feel thankful for everything in the past, and I feel heartache for the end.     Love can only works with both parties' effort to maintain, relationship need two person to appreciate each other.  If the journey only left one person, it will be very tiring. The only thing to do is cry. 

Even though I was so reluctant to accept the truth, but I was force to wake up. And now I feel relieve as I am no longer live in suffering. I have peace. 

The toughest days had past. Days after separation, I had been doing things that I wanted to do and never have the courage to do, I have done some craziest things in life. I tried all kind of ways to kill my time. One of the craziest thing was I travelled a lot. Before broke up, I already started to travel alone. I browsed airasia everyday, all my mind was just wish to escape from reality. 

My holidays began. 

Bali

Bali is my favorite holiday so far. It is a very unique place, I wish to go back again.

The day I started to fall in love with this  lovely animal, Sea turtle. 

Me and my mom at Tanah Lot, I felt happy when I saw my mom was so happy that time. I went to Bali with mom. It was the first time I brought my mom for a trip. 

Jacyin spontaneously joined me at Bali. Thank for the great memory, will never forget the time we spent in Bali. It's awesome!

Singapore

My first time to fly alone. I went to Singapore to meet my friends. The trip was very short, but I was happy. I felt touched that everyone spent time to catch up with me. Thank for the warm hospitality, I miss my ex-housemates.

I was lucky enough to go a week before Singapore National Day, the fireworks were fascinating!

Langkawi

Very soon after Singapore, visited Langkawi. It was also a memorable trip, especially the unique concept of the hotel. The tube-concept hotel gave me a different kind of holiday experience. 

One of the best thing in Langkawi was the beautiful sunset. Totally overwhelmed in it.

Glad to know everyone more through this Langkawi trip. We had laughters, we had our stories. We created memories. :)

Bangkok

Went to Bangkok with Shyuan, finally I found my best holiday partner. 

Cute sheep that was so arrogant and greedy. Haha.. And actually they smelled yiak!

I realized that even travelling with friends, I can also have so much of funs. We don't have to rely on other to have happiness.

Dresses up myself. Prepared to go to one of the the world best sky bar. 

This place is awesome! Though it cost a boom to my pocket, but it's life time experience. I am glad that I am independ now.  I am no longer a little girl that hide behind someone. I create my own value, I decide my own happiness. 

Bandung

Another spontaneous trip, it's a totally different kind of experience. The view is fantastic and the weather is cooling. 

Glad to have all of you in this trip, I laughed non-stop. Yea, it's Shyuan and me again. Thanks to William and Shanny for the hospitality, the trip was great. 

I could not believe my eyes, it was the biggest crab I had ever seen in my life. It was BIG!!

Travelling makes my mind open. Seeing new things, meeting new people, I learned more about life. 

Cameron Highland 

Another short trip to Cameron with Florence, Aunee and Jane. It's was our first trip, we had talked a lot. It is so good that we are closer than before. 

At Lavender farm. A year before I came here, this year I came again but with different kind of feeling. 

A night spent at Bala's house. The garden and exterior were great, but the room was not as good as expected. 

Met this cute girl again this year and she was more friendly to me this time! :) I remember last year she ran away when I asked her to take pic with me. -.-

I bought flowers for myself, just love to see beautiful flowers. Thanks to Florence for the beautiful braids. :)

Kuala Lumpur

I purposely flied down to KL for Yiruma concert. This time I went with Jayjun and met Hui Leng there. It was a great catch up. 

Love this pic. :) I was having breakfast at TLJ, nice place to take pic but food is just ok.

Finally, I attended Yiruma's concert with Hui Leng. It was my first time to attend concert. But I fell asleep. Lol! Seriously, please don't get me wrong, Yiruma was too awesome, that the piano songs was too nice until I surrendered. It was nothing to do with boringness. Trust me! Lolol..:D

I decided to extend my trip for one more day at the last minute. I had made a right choice. :)

A gathering with my old old friends, so happy to meet everyone after so long. 

Met up with another long lost friend, Yinyin. Thanks for the day out, we went to cafe, movie and had a great chit chat. 

.....

After KL trip, I think it's time for me to slow down. I had been travelling too frequent. :D 

Oh ya! Something I would like to share is I had went to painting class. 

My first piece of work was Sunflower. The reason I picked to draw sunflower is because it represents love, happiness and loyalty. 

This is me today. I feel calm. I accepted what life gives me, I will stay strong. No doubt time will fade away everything. Give me more time, I will be better. They said things happen for a reason, let's look forward for a better tomorrow. 

Thanks for reading my blog, again. Hehe... Nitez nitez. :) 

P/s: When is my next holiday? :D 

Blog

         My fingers rested on the keyboard for a few minutes, I stared blankly for a while, not knowing how to begin. I tried to search song at Youtube to listen, then I found this song "Time Forgets" by Yiruma. So, I just keep playing the song over and over again. By listening to this song, I feel more calm and then I start the typing... 

        Last few days, I randomly logged in my blog, glanced through my old blog post one by one, until the very very first post I wrote at year 2010. I do agree that blogging is a very good way to retrieve memories. I feel sorry to myself that I don't blog that much as last time. Once a while, when I read others' blog or talk with some blogger friends, I really miss blogging. Somehow, I just don't actually take action. >.< 

       Some people they blog to freeze the memories, some blog for business purposes, some blog to get fame, and so on... For now, I only blog when I think there is something meaningful that I wish to remember. Or, when I am down, that is the moment where my blog come alive again. 

        The best word to describe my feeling now is 'lost'. My beloved boyfriend like to tease me with this, in his opinion, I am forever feeling 'lost'... Guess, I would further describe this feeling as insecure, fear of the uncertainty. Recently, that thought haunt me again. How often you ask yourself  'Is this the life you want?'. Question like this normally pop out in my mind when I feel helpless. Very often I hear that things are beyond our control, just follow the voice of our heart. The problem is, there are two voices inside me. I think everyone are like that as well. One of the voice will talk like an engineer, it know what is the best for you and what is less worthy to you. Another voice, which always win in the battle, it tell you about things like 'what if' & all the sentimental stories that make you ignore what the other voice said. 

         "If this is not the life you want, then what is that? What is the thing you value the most in your life?" Another question hit me. The two voices continue their debate. The more answers proposed, I feel even more lost. Because, I can't assure any of them are achievable. And what should I do if this is not the life I want and I am not brave enough to change it? 

         Most of the time, we treasure something too much and we actually turn to be the slave of whatever thing we chase for. Each of us has a few things that listed in the 'list of most important thing in life'. Fortune, fame, power, love, family... Don't you realize when you want something so much and you actually forcing yourself to do things that you don't like. You think you 'will' feel happy but do you actually feel happy now? Every 'now' is the future of yesterday and also the history of tomorrow. If most of the 'now' you are feeling unhappy, logically thinking...you spend your life miserably... 

            What should I do? ......

                                          

A Random Night

          Hi, dear bloggie and dear you. How have you been? Hope everything is fine. =) It had been quite some time, I don't blog as much as last time. And tonight, thanks to the rain and Olivia Ong's song, I feel so sentimental and so I decided to blog a little.

            People like to ask me, "how's life?" "what am I up to these day?" Guess that is what people wish to know from me, a little update of my current life. Well, as a whole, I think I'm good. I love my work, I enjoy being part time model, get myself to experience small scale business. Besides that, there are two things that take a big part of my routine life. Which is to enjoy good food, and to give my very best to maintain my weight in order to continue enjoy good food. Hehe... =D  Other than that, I think I am like most of the people out there, addicted to instagram and fb. I admit I can't live without my handphone. >.<

              I still love to watch movie very much, still loving to shop and doll up myself, still that self-obsessed, still that lame and constantly equip myself with cold jokes. =.= What else? Erm, good thing is I am more independent than last time. =D However, I found myself to be more homey and lazy. Hehe... That's all for the update. =)

              Had been listening to 'Close to you' by Olivia Ong since just now when I started to blog. So in love with her voice. Really admire those people who can sing well, how good if I can sing like that too. =( If, I mean 'if', if I got the money and time... hehe... I wanna take up a singing lesson, wanna go for oil painting course as well. And if I am smart and rich enough, I wish to further my study to master level. Haha...XD If can, I wanna do liposuction, suck all the bloody fat from my body, so that I can be bloody slim! =P If the technology allow, I wanna increase my height, and of course not by using the heels! =( Aik...only if...=.=

               Oh ya, Christmas is around the corner again. It's always my favourite occasion, I think it is the most romantic day besides Valentine's day. I like to listen to Christmas song, my favourite Christmas song is 'Last Christmas'. Wish to dress up nicely and have a very very romantic candle light dinner at Christmas eve. After that, receive a little Christmas gift. That would make the Christmas so so complete. Hehe... Best if it snow at that time, but too bad our country don't snow. Zzz.. haha... I believe every girl wish to be treated like princess, especially at such a romantic occasion. Hehe... XD Sadly, this is only happen in movie and my imagination, gonna celebrate Christmas alone, baby is not around during that time. Lonely, lonely Christmas~ Sigh! 

               Alright, I think I have enough of crabs here...hehe...time to sleep. Thanks for spending your precious time reading my blog. Wish you have a good rest. Sweet dream ya. Muack!! XOXO~  ^.^

"I see you." - quoted from Avatar. =D

'Close to you' by Olivia Ong. 

'Last Christmas' by Kimberley Locke.

= The end.= 

P/S: Love the life you live; live the life you love. =)

My Fringe

              How is everyone? Gosh... Seriously, it had been ages I didn't update my bloggie. I have to admit that I'm very very lazy. And today, what drive me to blog is my hair cut. =.= 

                You know? This is consider a big thing to me. No shit! How  many years I had remained my same hairstyle. Hahahaa...And many people had also urge me to make some change. But still, I insist to keep it my own style, which is no style... Haha.. Frankly speaking, the only different is the fringe. Ya, just only the fringe. =P But don't know why, when I heard the sound of the snip, my heart suddenly felt very pain. Guess this is the reason why I don't dare to cut my hair short. 

                 The whole process of hair cutting took not more than 10 minutes. I saw some of my very long hair had been cut and fall on my lap. T.T Bye bye my hair...I looked quite calm, but actually I was nervous inside. Kinda stupid right. @.@ Anyway, the new hair seems acceptable, luckily..phew.... =D 

How many years I had remained long hair and a little bit of side fringe. Let me show you. =D

Me @ 2008.

I still don't really know how to make up that time and still haven't started to use color contact lense. =D

Me @ 2009. 

Omg! So leong. =.=  My face was so chubby that time @@

Me @ 2010.

Started to maintain the length around waist until today....@.@

(Sorry that the pic is blur.)

Me @ 2011.

Still that the same style, as always. Hahaahaa...=D

This evening, 20 minutes before haircut. 

I was with my niece, Jia Jia =)

This is how I look like now.
My thick flat fringe. =)

How I look if I tie up my hair.

Act emo....(Don't puke please...=P)

Noobie- center parting.  ~.~ 

If people comment that I look ugly with fringe, I will push them to a side. ~.~

Just upload this pic in instagram =P =P

Okie...That's all for this post.

 Thanks for spending time reading my crab talk. Hehe...

Hope you don't feel disgust after reading my this post.

Please don't go to One FM 'Beh Tahan' me...

Wahahahhaa~!

Good night =)

P/S: Please say it's nice. Please please pleaseeeeeeeeeeee...............

Durian Season

           It's DURIAN everywhere!! Durian season is here, it always non of my business as I don't really fancy  that much. But this year, only I realize how people crazy of it. @.@  I don't hate durian, and at the same time I also don't really fancy it. Haha... However, it's fun to join my colleagues to enjoy durian. I can see that my company's people love durian a lot!! =D 

 

Meme at this evening during durian party organized by my company. =D

 

Different types of durian awaiting to be eaten. =D

    

Durian sellers were busy to open durians and all the durian lovers were so busy to eat eat eat. XD

Everyone was so excited!

           Besides, I also had a durian trip at last few weeks. After site visit, me and my colleagues had a happy durian trip. Haha... I felt very excited, as I never have experience like this before. Hoho~ ^.^

 

It was a very very adventurous journey. The road is narrow and slope, so scary! >.<

Finally, we reached there safely. Haha... 

A basket of durians was ready to be served.

This uncle is the one who plant the durian trees.

He is so friendly. =)

 

Enjoying........

Hallo there...do you want some durian?

Durian.

Me. =))))))

Fresh manggis plucked from tree.

Hehe... Let's take a pic before I ate you.

Place where uncle cooks his dogs' meal.

He said he has 10++ dogs. @.@

Another pet of uncle.

A wild pig.

First time in my life I see a wild pig. @.@

I think it looks like mouse. =D

Good view. Never know there is such place in penang. =)

Other than that, it's also my first time to hear about durian puff.

 It was strongly recommended by colleagues and it really tasted good. =D

              For those who ike durian, they think durian smells good, but for those who don't, they say it smell like shit. hahaha!! I think my hand still got shit smell...Wahahahhaa!!! Better drink more water or eat more manggis after having durian. Durian is a heaty food. I can feel the ulcer in my mouth already....=.= 

Ok, that's all for my durian post. Thanks for reading my blog. Hope you did enjoy. ^.^ 

= The end =

P/S: Haze, please go away.................

A Brunch With Celine

        Haloha, it's 10.30pm now and I just woke up from a nap. I was thinking what to do, to continue sleeping, or drag myself up to sit in front of laptop. I think it's about time to have a little update for my blog. So I took my phone and screened through the photos, thinking what to blog. Then I decided to blog about the brunch that I had with Celine.

           This was 2 weeks ago, and I had forgotten the name of this restaurant, but it's somewhere around Campbell street, Penang. The food style is more to local homecook food, which actually made me feel home. Haha... What I like about the restaurant is the nice deco of pictures hangs on the wall and the friendly services. 

            Actually I am quite lucky to know Celine and also Kitty. They are my housemates, consider my first new friends after uni. Everyday we meet different people, some remain stranger, some become our friend, some become good friend, some even become partner. There is always some kind of arrangement or fate, to bring people to meet with each other. Just that how far they can go, it depends. =)

               

Me of the day.

Nice deco, sorry it's a bit blur. hehe...=S

Me and dear Celine.

=)

While waiting for my food, so hungry.

Finally!

My favourite picture out of all.

Cute doggie  >.<

We were at behind of this car when we were on the way home. 

Someone told me that this car belong to Penang Chief Minister, Lim Guan Eng.

Is that true? =D

Lastly, I wish to share with you a nice and relaxing song.

Hope you like it.

That's all for this post, thanks for reading my blog.

Wish you have a nice dream.

Good night.

= The end =

P/S: Let's pray for miracle. =)

02.06.12 Saturday

I had a long and tiring Saturday, went for online boutique shooting.

I went to Butterworth, and spent my whole day there.

When I was driving home, I thought a lot.

I think long journey driving usually create a chance for people to have a deep thoughts.

Sometimes, I really confused.

Between right and wrong, yes or no, to do or not to do.

People like to complain that others doesn't appreciate thing done by them.

I think this is happens to everyone.

Question is, how many times can a person handle the disappointment.

        

One of the pic taken by my hp during photo shooting.

Took this photo before I went out from home.

Kinda like it. Hehe..

Love this song very much.

This is the song of the night.

因為愛情 詞曲：小柯 演唱：王菲＆陳奕迅

 陳：給你一張過去的CD 聽聽那時我們的愛情 有時會突然忘了 我還在愛著你 王：再唱不出那樣的歌曲 聽到都會紅著臉躲避 雖然會經常忘了 我依然愛著你 王：因為愛情 不會輕易悲傷 陳：所以一切都是幸福的模樣 王：因為愛情 簡單的生長 陳：依然隨時可以為你瘋狂 王：因為愛情 怎麼會有滄桑 陳：所以我們還是年輕的模樣 王：因為愛情 在那個地方 陳：依然還有人在那裡遊蕩 王陳：人來人往 王：再唱不出那樣的歌曲 聽到都會紅著臉躲避 雖然會經常忘了 王陳：我依然愛著你 王：因為愛情 不會輕易悲傷 陳：所以一切都是幸福的模樣 王：因為愛情 簡單的生長 陳：依然隨時可以為你瘋狂 王：因為愛情 怎麼會有滄桑 陳：所以我們還是年輕的模樣 王：因為愛情 在那個地方 陳：依然還有人在那裡遊蕩 王陳：人來人往 陳：給你一張過去的CD 聽聽那時我們的愛情 王：有時會突然忘了 王陳：我還在愛著你

Good night dear all.

Thanks for reading my blog. =)

= The end =

P/S: No one is going to love you more than you love yourself.